Golf???
An outing in Coonoor.

Is not basking in the glory of clean mountain air and cool temperatures enough for the rejuvenation of my pasty white soul? No. I decided to do one better and finagled my way onto the Wellington Gymkana Golf Club just outside Coonoor. A members-only establishment comprised primarily of retired Indian generals and affluent tea growers, it may be fancy for Coonoor, but remember, we are still in India not Augusta, Georgia. The pro-shop employees wear condom-tight golf pants, the caddies sport flip flops, cows substitute for John Deere tractors, and credit cards are absolutely not accepted. So what!! Let’s tee it up!!

Unfortunately, Jeeyung didn’t allow me to bring my clubs to India, so I rented some antiques for 150 Rs. (about $4), probably commandeered by Indian customs officials over 30 years ago from some unsuspecting Australian tourist. Greens fees cost 200 Rs. ($5), a caddy 80 Rs. ($2) and 2 sleeves of golf balls 400 Rs. ($10). This may well be the last time I pay more for balls than for greens fees! Since I only had a 3 and 5 wood I decided to forego buying tees and play au natural. Who cares? They didn’t even have scorecards!!

The layout of the course mirrored the logic of the incomprehensible Indian road network. The 1st fairway is shared by the 2nd, 3rd, 14th, 17th and 18th holes. So, if you’re not happy with your score the first time, you’ll have ample opportunity to replay the hole. Watch out from above too! This fairway also is home to the Indian Army helicopter pad. Servicing the base up the hill, my caddy told me that the pad is used on a regular basis. Thankfully, that was an immovable obstruction I was able to avoid. Enjoy!

Teeing off on #1. The follow-through was textbook but somehow
the ball went 100 yards to the right near the Tea Fields.

After playing #1 I realized the fairway was nearly
300 yards wide. So for #2 I put a little extra into it.

The Gallery and the Tea Fields.

Ughh!! The ball landed several yards short of the green and fell perilously close to Ganesh's Armpit.
By the grace of Shiva I escaped with a bogey.

If by chance the cow eats your ball, local rules
allow you a free drop without penalty.

Nestled in the valley of these 2000m peaks. The terrain
was more hike than stroll in the park.

Hooker's Nightmare. Relax...focus...don't think about
the hookers. Smooth and steady....hmmmm....hmmmm....

All bent out of shape about the hookers,
I had to step away from the ball to compose myself.

On the green. Trying to put an end to this nightmare. My caddy
was still looking out for the hookers.....

The Gallery, hole #13.

Greenskeeper sweeping with a fir branch. Shirts and shoes are optional. Any comment Judge Smails?

A cow for every hole.

Seriously, for all its foibles this course had some of the most breathtaking vantage points of any place I have played. Plus, there weren't any stuffy old geezers idling in golf carts brandishing a new titanium driver bigger than their head.